Archive for the WORDS Category

Posted in WORDS on July 10, 2010 by elsdonssewer

Hi, Welcome back.
I am in a pretty good mood today so I have decided to behave, that meaning not to chastise anyone.
What I have decided to do is post a couple of my poems and when I say a couple I mean the only two poems I have ever written.
By way of explanation, they are what they are.

I Spun a Wheel
I spun a wheel
All round and round
And watched it
All the while

It turned and turned
Went round and round
The whole thing
Made me smile

It spun so fast
I couldn’t count
It must have
Gone a mile

As if by cue
It did slow down
That wheel that
Me did beguile

Slower now and
Slower now
It came to halt
In style

I asked myself
Where is my life
That this seems
So worthwhile

I spun a wheel
All round and round
And watched it
All the while

A Tiny Epic Poem

Once there was a little guy
A foot or two no more
A troubled soul but never shy
He just couldn’t reach the door.

He stood upon a stool so tall
And tried all mighty might
Then suddy he did take a fall
And stayed there all the night

Morning now he tried to shout
I know it’s not a sin
I promise I’ll go never out
It’s the bathroom I want in.

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IT’S ONLY WORDS

Posted in WORDS on July 6, 2010 by elsdonssewer

Hello, I have returned.

It has been a while since I have had the time, energy and ambition to write a new entry. I have started a number of them but have not finished them. Truth to tell, I may not finish this one. That may also be a moot point as I will not post an unfinished entry and you are here reading this, I guess I have finished it. Just not at this point.

I am going to talk about words today and I will concentrate on words in the English language. Not that I have anything against the other languages, it’s just that I cannot speak French very well anymore and I never was any good at Spanish. Those are the three big languages spoken around these parts. So English it is.

First, we must understand that a large part of English is usurped from other languages. For instance, the word camera is Greek for black box and most of our military ranks are French.

English is a very complicated language. Honestly, I would not care to learn it from scratch. Take for instance the word “pretty”. We define it as “pleasing by delicacy or grace; not imposing”. Now take the word “awful”. We define it as being “atrocious: exceptionally bad or displeasing”. Yet, we take these two diametrically opposed words and stick them together. We not only describe someone or something as being “awful pretty” but we reverse the two so we have something that is “pretty awful”.  As Spock (Mr. not Dr.) would say “fascinating”. I have no intention of explaining this phenomenon here, I only mention it to support my contention that English is a complicated language.

What I am going to write about here is those people using those words that sound to me like fingernails being dragged across a blackboard.  That having been said, let’s move on to the fun stuff. Let’s pick on some people. I would like to start with the people that try to sound smarter than they are. You constantly use words that sound long, hard and intellectual. They are not. Those words only make you sound stupid. The only people who think those words make you sound smarter are people more stupid than you. It is my goal here to more mock than educate but I cannot do either without some examples. The truth is, if you’re reading this you may just want to learn something. Although I suspect someone who likes you despite you vocabulary has directed you here. I just don’t think you have Googled “make me smarter”. The point being maybe you do want to stop sounding so stupid. Fair enough.

Do not ever say irregardless.  Yes, it is big and long and has a hint of intellect but the truth is it is not a real word. It doesn’t exist. Regardless is the word you are looking for. It means without regard. That’s why it ends in “less”. Stop saying it and you will automatically sound less stupid. Look, the bottom line here is stop saying words that you cannot define. Even if you think you can define it, look it up before you add it to your vocabulary. If you are serious about this, start looking on the internet for lists of words that people often misuse or words that people think are real but are not. The words are out there and since you came here you must have some drive. Use it so I don’t have to slap you.

All right that is all I have to say about you people.

There is another group of people out there that are even worse offenders than the stupid. That group being the ones that think they are smart. You know who you are. You are probably the person who sent the stupid person here.

You are the people who have bastardized English even more than it was a decade ago. You are the people who created and perpetuated political correctness. You know I am talking about you. For some reason you feel that you must not offend anyone so you have gone out of you way to assume that every group, ethnic, political, sexually oriented, religious or what not, will be offended if you call a spade a spade.

You are the people who “pre-plan” things. Well here’s a news flash for you. There is not only no such word but even if it were it would be impossible. Make a plan. By definition a plan is “a series of steps to be carried out or goals to be accomplished”. See, get it. Pre-planning is only a series of steps to be carried out or goals to be accomplished to make a plan. You are planning to plan something. Stop it. Make a plan. Carry it out. Stop wasting time and stop being stupid because you think you are smart.

While I’m on the subject, stop telling me something was decimated and expecting me to have some sort of awe inspired reaction. News casters are the worst offenders and they are real smart. Here’s the deal you supercilious S.O.B.’s. To decimate something means to change it by 10%. It does not mean obliterate.  Figure it out…decimate, decimal, numbers, currency, coin. To decimate 10 dimes is to take one away. Oh my God, what a nightmare. Good, I’m glad we have that sorted out, now stop saying it. As I recommended to the other group, stop using words that you cannot define.

One last shot, and this one goes out to both groups. You really do sound stupid when you try to give the word “unique” levels. There is no “very unique” there is no “sort of or kind of unique”. Unique does not come in any quality other than unique. By definition it means “radically distinctive and without equal”.  People or things are either unique or they are not. End of story.

I could go on but I think that I have made my point. You people, both groups, irritate me. I wrote this entry to irritate you.

See you next time.